If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
