Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
