Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
