I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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