I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
