I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
