Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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