tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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