Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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