I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How's work?
Spinning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
