I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
