you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
