She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
