im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
