I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
