After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
