Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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