It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
