One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
