Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
