so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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