roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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