: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
