Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
