So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
