Say something about gay babies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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