You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
