i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
