I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize