once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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