if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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