Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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