What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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