I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
