it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
