Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
