I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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