She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
