You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
