im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
