I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
