i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
