you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize