apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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