I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
