i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What a dumb baby whore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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