if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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