Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
