Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
