if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
