you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
