he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
