OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
