Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
