Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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