Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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