No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
