he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize