The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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