It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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