You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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