whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
