dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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