covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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