Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
