Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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