How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize