i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize