Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
