I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
