Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
