i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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