I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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