it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize